HEMINGWAY'S UNDERPANTS

  If Women Played in the NBA There is no rule that says NBA players have to be men, yet there are no women on the court. Since most of our institutions are designed to please women, there may come a time when teams will be required to play at least one woman, but more likely, teams would be required to make half of their teams female. If this happens, we may begin to see the following: Woman: His hand brushed against my breasts! LeBron: I was just trying to get the ball! Ref: Your intentions don’t matter! [blows whistle] By the way, these are not jokes….this could actually happen.  Some other future quotes from the female players: “The coach said I needed to lose some weight, I have filed a lawsuit because I am being body-shamed!” “These men are too rough! I keep getting hurt!” (prompting new rule that players cannot touch each other) ”You called travelling on me for taking three steps but I should be allowed to take three steps because they are taller than me and I canno...

  PHOTOS FROM THE FUTURE... HEADLINE: GAVIN NEWSOM TAKES OVER AS DISNEY CEO

Elections are coming up again, you know, like that shrimp you ate at lunch that tasted a bit off.  I have listed here some things for all voters to keep in mind as they head to the polls (or don't head to them).  This guide is less of a "who and what to vote for" than it is a guide for whether or not you SHOULD vote. If you get ALL your news from Fox News - DON'T VOTE If you get ALL your news from MSNBC - DON'T VOTE If you cannot name one famous economist without using Google - DON'T VOTE If you have not read a fiction novel in the last year - DON'T VOTE If you think your political party has good intentions but that other party party has BAD ones - DON'T VOTE If you don't regularly listen to smart people who understand controversial issues argue about them - DON'T VOTE If you have more than two bumper stickers on your car - DON'T VOTE If you meet more than 3 people each day who are "Communists" or "Fascists"  - DON'T...

How I've longed since boyhood for the arrival of the flying car. This longing goes back well before Blade Runner or  The Jetsons . These have been dangled before us since the Wright Brothers first left the ground. Hell it took about 60 years to figure out that we should put cup holders in the ones we do have. And for that matter why did it take so damned long to make wheels on luggage a standard feature? You kids don’t know the tortures we faced while driving, even into the early 80s. First you had to GUESS how long it would take you to get to the airport to pick up your visiting relative, who left you a message on your answering machine from their house phone when they left Dallas at 7am. You’d likely spill a drink in your lap on the way to the airport where you’d meet Aunt Lucy, hopefully where she said she was going to be hours earlier, and then lug her 55 pound suitcase by its plastic handle all the way to your car from the Delta Terminal. The horror….the horror… Enter cell ph...

My 13-year old daughter came up with this one... 

“Monkeys may be evolving to be human — and it looks like they might get there first.”  Welly welly well…. Planet of the Apes  may not be so far fetched after all....  And it’s all due, naturally , to global warming… Those of us in the know are aware that the earth has an expiration date, a built-in one that involves our sun and a rather annoying tendency toward exploding in a massive supernova after about 9 billion years of life. That resulting massive blast will be large enough to engulf Mercury, then Venus, then Earth, then the massive bunker that the robot version of Elon Musk will still be living in on Mars.  All gone. That is depressing enough but now it looks like humans have paved the way for monkeys to make a giant evolutionary step toward humanity …as a matter of fact they may get there before we do! As the temperatures seem to be rising in their natural habitats, the treetops are providing less and less protection and the monkeys are spending more time walk...

California Politicians thinking the homeless are just multiplying faster and faster like the chocolates in this classic Lucy episode - but THEY ARE THE ONES MAKING THEM COME OUT FASTER! I just read an article on how bad the "homeless" problem is in California. I use quotes around that word because it seems most of the people we call homeless are addicts in some form other another. Either they are addicted to a drug, alcohol, or simply addicted to street camping.  And if those people prefer living there, why would we call them homeless.   They have a home and they like it, and they don’t have to pay any rent or follow any particular rules. The homeless population has increased greatly each year in California. The California officials are still making the problem worse without even knowing it.  First of all they keep saying it is "their" problem, as in government's problem. This takes away responsibility from the actual street campers. If you are mentally ill, tha...